Just how much happiness can you take?

Perhaps you too have ‘being happy’ as one of your goals in life, if so, it might come as a quite a shock to find you have a happiness ‘upper limit’.

You’ve had a wonderful time of feeling close and intimate with your partner, beyond your wildest dreams, and then something happens and you fall out or have to move apart.  It could just be a coincidence yet when you observe closely, this is part of a pattern and the thing that happens (arguing, sickness, a crisis) is something you’ve done for a long time, probably since childhood.

It could be a similar scenario with work; all’s going well, the team you work with are wonderful and the job rewarding and then it all starts to unravel.

Upper limits is one of the concepts in Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment by Gay Hendricks.  Being happy can bring up fears and your subconscious starts saying something like ‘things can’t stay this good’, ‘get prepared for a low’, ‘remember that time when you were really happy and then (something bad) happened?’.  Your fears and worries take you away from the present and into the past/future, the next thing you know your ‘upper limits pattern’ kicks in and the result is that you are less intimate, distanced, and judgemental and your happiness has diminished.

After a while perhaps you will recover and re-engage with the situation or perhaps it’ll never quite feel the same again.  The book teaches that, through awareness, we can learn to spot our upper limits and face our fears and worries before our subconscious saboteur kicks in.  We might need to take a step back to process a new level of happiness or take other action to address our fears and then we’re ready to take our happiness to new levels.

Good morning?

How do you start your day?  Does your morning routine leave you energised or harassed?  I believe the time just after waking is really important and luckily my partner has his own well established routine of meditation and exercise.  It’s taken some trial and error but now we have a start to the day that nurtures us both.  Having a positive start sets the tone for the whole day and means you get to experience more Soul Sanook (soul fun).  Here are some suggestions….

• Allow more time!  Getting up just a few minutes earlier can make all the difference to your sense of well-being.  Consider how this could be possible, ensure you have something to look forward to and be aware if you’re hooked on the drama and adrenaline of being just in (or out of) time!
  
  
• Be gentle.  Waking to a harsh loud ‘beep’, traumatic news belting out of the radio/TV, press ups and skin scrubbing is enough to send most people straight back under the duvet!  Experiment with programming yourself to wake before your alarm, change the alarm noise, choose music that makes you feel good, lovingly massage your skin awake, breathe, stretch and dance to energise your body.
  
  
• Focus.  Remind yourself what’s important to you.  What are you grateful for in your life?  Who do you love and who loves you?  Pay attention to the things that make this a great morning!  Focus on up to 3 things you’ll achieve today and who you need to be in order to accomplish these smoothly.  Schedule important things, and new habits, early in the day.  There’s more chance you’ll do them! 

In designing your morning ritual you’ll need to get those you live with on board- either negotiating some ‘time out’ or involving them to create something you can all enjoy.  Life Coaching often involves the creation of new habits that support clients being happier and more successful.  Sometimes we lose track of our priorities and reviewing the first hour of our day can be a good place to start. 

What's a Life Coach?

Despite the abundance of coaches at networking events, giving opinions on TV and writing in magazines, I’m still regularly asked this question.  Perhaps you’ve asked already or would like to know but are being polite!  

Here's a quiz I created some time ago...

Just for fun, imagine you are going to ride a bike for the first time, the following people offer assistance…

Person One says, “I will buy you the bike, put on training wheels and take them off when I think you are ready.  I will run by the bike holding on until you can balance and then will cheer as you go riding onto the sunset.  Occasionally I will threaten to take away the bike if you don't comply with my rules!”

Person Two explains, “I will encourage you to talk through your fears about riding and the consequences of falling.  I will listen very deeply and help you to heal yourself.  We will discuss your past experiences of riding, such as if your parents rode and why that might be important.”

And Person Three adds, “I will listen to your desire to try riding and ask if you need instructions on how to ride and if so, where you might get them.  I will run alongside the bike 'checking in' to see if you're enjoying the experience and asking what might make it more fun.  When you stop I will ask you about your experience and what was valuable.”

Can you identify the roles of coach, parent and therapist?  If you’re embarking on something new, feeling stuck or in the midst of a big decision, you don’t have to go it alone!  Think about the kind of person who could serve you best…

Be clear about your requirements and ask for what you want.

Ever wanted a friend to listen and got an earful of advice?  In your business and personal life knowing how you respond to the different roles, where you want expert input, where you’d prefer guidance on the process and where you need support and confidence building, can pay dividends. 

For the full, interactive version of this quiz, the answers and an explanation of what a Life Coach does please visit http://www.soulsanook.com/quiz